The article doesn't specifically state that it was Silverman who did the dumping, but the reverse would be inconceivable, so I'd say it's a safe bet that Kimmel was the one being cast aside.
I happened to be watching Silverman's guest appearance on Star Trek: Voyager
just last night, so I can only assume that she sensed I was thinking about her and had a vision of the better life that awaits her if she'd only pick up the phone and rescind that restraining order. Here's my offer to you, Sarah Silverman. I will happily bathe you from head to toe and perform a cleansing ritual to remove the lingering stench of failure which must still be clinging to your sublime skin and luxurious hair after spending so much time in close proximity to Jimmy Kimmel.
In other words, I'll help you wash that man right out of your hair, massage that man right out of your shoulders, rub that man right out of your thighs, and tickle that man right out of your taint.
Furthermore, I promise to dedicate every waking moment to supporting you and fulfilling your every need in a way that only an unemployed man could. There's no chance of me ever placing my career before you since I have no career and no desire to find one. And I could never be jealous of your accomplishments because the more successful you are the more time I get to spend basking in your glory, helping you traverse mud puddles, carrying your purse, eating bonbons, and hand-washing your unmentionables.
I also pledge to be less fat and every bit as charming and witty as Jimmy Kimmel ever was, but really, how could I not?
You can read more about my on-again/off-again/in-again/out-again relationship with Sarah Silverman by clicking here.
1 comment:
dude your creepy
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