I'm hardly a Trekkie, or a Trekker, but I am a fan, and Monty Python had a huge influence on my sense of humour, so when I came across this hilarious mish-mash of the two, it was a real treat.
http://www.devilducky.com/media/48608/
And while I'm on the subject of Star Trek, here's a scene I would have liked to see on the Next Generation. (I apologize in advance for the very unprofessional screenplay formatting, but I'm new at this HTML business.)
"April Fools Day"
INT. BRIDGE
The entire crew is at their stations. On the view screen, a large asteroid.
DATA:
The quanto-lithic phasers are online and ready for testing, sir.
PICARD:
Any ships in the system, Data?
DATA:
No, sir.
RIKER:
Any inhabited planets?
DATA:
No, commander. This system is completely devoid of life.
PICARD:
Very well. I think it's time to proceed with the test.
RIKER:
Agreed.
PICARD:
Data, fire at will.
Data spins, pulls out his hand phaser, at aims at Commander Riker.
RIKER:
What? --
Riker is cut down by Data's phaser and drops in a heap to the floor.
INT. BRIDGE - LATER
Riker slowly comes to and sees --
Data, standing over him.
DATA:
I do apologize, sir. It was the Captain's orders.
RIKER:
Orders?
PICARD:
April Fools, Will.
DATA:
You see, Commander, when the Captain said "fire at will", the conceit was that I had misinterpreted his command as "fire at Will", which is a shortened form of your first name. The joke is quite clever when you compare it to the work of some renowned humorists from Earth's history, for example --
RIKER:
Yes, Data, thank you. I get the joke.
Picard helps Riker to his feet.
RIKER:
And it was your idea, Captain?
PICARD:
Indeed.
Riker brushes himself off, regains his dignity.
RIKER:
In that case, it was very funny.
PICARD:
Shall we proceed with the test?
RIKER:
By all means.
PICARD:
Then make it so, Number One.
Riker quickly unzips his fly and pees on Picard's leg. The crew looks on in shock.
RIKER:
I'm sorry, sir. I thought you said "Make me soaked in number one."
The crew tries to suppress their laughter while Picard quietly fumes.
RIKER:
April Fools, sir.
TROI:
(to Picard)
All things considered, you might say that turnabout is fair play, Captain.
Picard considers his next move, then nods slightly in Riker's direction, conceding the point.
PICARD:
If anyone needs me, I'll be changing into a clean uniform. You have the bridge, Number O--
(stops himself)
You have the bridge, Will.
Picard exits into the turbolift. The crew bursts out in laughter, all except Data and Worf.
DATA:
Commander, I fail to see the humour in urinating on a superior officer.
WORF:
There is none. Bathroom humour is without honour.
RIKER:
It's immature, I'll grant you, but humans often find humour in bodily functions.
WESLEY:
And when stern authority figures get their comeuppance, it's always hysterical.
DR. CRUSHER:
Watching Jean-Luc fume was priceless!
GEORDI:
I really loved the play on words.
DATA:
Play on words?
RIKER:
Search your database for the colloquial use of the term "Number One".
DATA:
Processing...
As Data scours his internal database, Picard returns to the bridge in a clean uniform.
DATA:
Ah! Mid-twentieth century Earth slang. "Number one" was often used as a euphemism for urination. I see. Quite amusing. And since I am next in the chain of command, that would, in effect, make me "Number Two".
Data approaches Picard, turns around, and drops his trousers.
PICARD:
NO, DATA!!!
http://www.devilducky.com/media/48608/
And while I'm on the subject of Star Trek, here's a scene I would have liked to see on the Next Generation. (I apologize in advance for the very unprofessional screenplay formatting, but I'm new at this HTML business.)
INT. BRIDGE
The entire crew is at their stations. On the view screen, a large asteroid.
DATA:
The quanto-lithic phasers are online and ready for testing, sir.
PICARD:
Any ships in the system, Data?
DATA:
No, sir.
RIKER:
Any inhabited planets?
DATA:
No, commander. This system is completely devoid of life.
PICARD:
Very well. I think it's time to proceed with the test.
RIKER:
Agreed.
PICARD:
Data, fire at will.
Data spins, pulls out his hand phaser, at aims at Commander Riker.
RIKER:
What? --
Riker is cut down by Data's phaser and drops in a heap to the floor.
FADE TO BLACK
INT. BRIDGE - LATER
Riker slowly comes to and sees --
Data, standing over him.
DATA:
I do apologize, sir. It was the Captain's orders.
RIKER:
Orders?
PICARD:
April Fools, Will.
DATA:
You see, Commander, when the Captain said "fire at will", the conceit was that I had misinterpreted his command as "fire at Will", which is a shortened form of your first name. The joke is quite clever when you compare it to the work of some renowned humorists from Earth's history, for example --
RIKER:
Yes, Data, thank you. I get the joke.
Picard helps Riker to his feet.
RIKER:
And it was your idea, Captain?
PICARD:
Indeed.
Riker brushes himself off, regains his dignity.
RIKER:
In that case, it was very funny.
PICARD:
Shall we proceed with the test?
RIKER:
By all means.
PICARD:
Then make it so, Number One.
Riker quickly unzips his fly and pees on Picard's leg. The crew looks on in shock.
RIKER:
I'm sorry, sir. I thought you said "Make me soaked in number one."
The crew tries to suppress their laughter while Picard quietly fumes.
RIKER:
April Fools, sir.
TROI:
(to Picard)
All things considered, you might say that turnabout is fair play, Captain.
Picard considers his next move, then nods slightly in Riker's direction, conceding the point.
PICARD:
If anyone needs me, I'll be changing into a clean uniform. You have the bridge, Number O--
(stops himself)
You have the bridge, Will.
Picard exits into the turbolift. The crew bursts out in laughter, all except Data and Worf.
DATA:
Commander, I fail to see the humour in urinating on a superior officer.
WORF:
There is none. Bathroom humour is without honour.
RIKER:
It's immature, I'll grant you, but humans often find humour in bodily functions.
WESLEY:
And when stern authority figures get their comeuppance, it's always hysterical.
DR. CRUSHER:
Watching Jean-Luc fume was priceless!
GEORDI:
I really loved the play on words.
DATA:
Play on words?
RIKER:
Search your database for the colloquial use of the term "Number One".
DATA:
Processing...
As Data scours his internal database, Picard returns to the bridge in a clean uniform.
DATA:
Ah! Mid-twentieth century Earth slang. "Number one" was often used as a euphemism for urination. I see. Quite amusing. And since I am next in the chain of command, that would, in effect, make me "Number Two".
Data approaches Picard, turns around, and drops his trousers.
PICARD:
NO, DATA!!!
1 comment:
I read this! I did - eek!
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